“MY dear,” said the elder man, “as I’ve told you a thousand
times, what you need is a love-affair with a red-haired
“Bother women,” said the younger man, “and hang love-affairs.
Women are a pack of samenesses, and love-affairs are damnable
They were seated at a round table, gay with glass and silver,
fruit and wine, in a pretty, rather high-ceiled little grey-and-gold
breakfast-room. The French window stood wide open to the soft
June day. From the window you could step out upon a small
balcony ; the balcony overhung a terrace ; and a broad flight of
steps from the terrace led down into a garden. You could not
perceive the boundaries of the garden ; in all directions it offered
an indefinite perspective, a landscape of green lawns and shadowy
alleys, bright parterres of flowers, fountains, and tall, bending
I have spoken of the elder man and the younger, though really
there could have been but a trifling disparity in their ages : the
elder was perhaps thirty, the younger seven or eight and twenty.
In other respects, however, they were as unlike as unlike may be.
Thirty was plump and rosy and full-blown, with a laughing good-
humoured face, and merry big blue eyes ; eight and twenty, thin,
tall, and listless-looking, his face pale and aquiline, his eyes dark,
morose. They had finished their coffee, and now the plump man
was nibbling sweetmeats, which he selected with much careful
discrimination from an assortment in a porcelain dish. The thin
man was drinking something green, possibly chartreuse.
“Women are a pack of samenesses,” he grumbled, “and love-
affairs are damnable iterations.”
“Oh,” cried out his comrade, in a tone of plaintive protest, “I
said red-haired. You can’t pretend that red-haired women are the
“The same, with the addition of a little henna,” the pale young
man argued wearily.
“It may surprise you to learn that I was thinking of red-haired
women who are born red-haired,” his friend remarked, from an
“In that case,” said he, “I admit there is a difference—they
have white eyelashes.” And he emptied his glass of green stuff.
“Is all this àpropos of boots ?” he questioned.
The other regarded him solemnly. “It’s àpropos of your
immortal soul,” he answered, nodding his head. “It’s medicine
for a mind diseased. The only thing that will wake you up, and
put a little life and human nature in you, is a love-affair with a red-
haired woman. Red in the hair means fire in the heart. It
means all sorts of things. If you really wish to please me, Uncle,
you’ll go and fall in love with a red-haired woman.”
The younger man, whom the elder addressed as Uncle, shrugged
his shoulders, and gave a little sniff. Then he lighted a cigarette.
The elder man left the table, and went to the open window.
“Heavens, what weather !” he exclaimed fervently. “The day
is made of perfumed velvet. The air is a love-philtre. The
whole world sings romance. And yet you—insensible monster !
—you can sit there torpidly—” But abruptly he fell silent.
His attention had been caught by something below, in the
garden. He watched it for an instant from his place by the
window; then he stepped forth upon the balcony, still watching.
Suddenly, facing half-way round, “By my bauble, Nunky,” he
called to his companion, and his voice was tense with surprised
exultancy, she’s got red hair !”
The younger man looked up with vague eyes. “Who ?
What ?” he asked languidly.
“Come here, come here,” his friend urged, beckoning him.
“There,” he indicated, when the pale man had joined him,
“below there—to the right—picking roses. She’s got red hair.
She’s sent by Providence.”
A woman in a white frock was picking roses, in one of the
alleys of the garden ; rather a tall woman. Her back was turned
towards her observers ; but she wore only a light scarf of lace over
her head, and her hair—soft-brown, fawn-colour, in its shadows—
where the sun touched it, showed a soul of red.
The younger man frowned, and asked sharply, “Who the devil
is she ?”
“I don’t know, I’m sure,” replied the other. “One of the
Queen’s women, probably. But whoever she is, she’s got red
The younger man frowned more fiercely still. “What is she
doing in the King’s private garden ? This is a pretty state of
things.” He stamped his foot angrily. “Go down and turn her
out. And I wish measures to be taken, that such trespassing may
not occur again.”
But the elder man laughed. “Hoity-toity ! Calm yourself,
Uncle. What would you have ? The King is at a safe distance,
hiding in one of his northern hunting-boxes, sulking, and nursing
his spleen, as is his wont. When the King’s away, the palace mice
will play—at lèse majesté, the thrilling game. If you wish to
stop them, persuade the King to come home and show his face.
Otherwise, we’ll gather our rosebuds while we may ; and I’m not
the man to cross a red-haired woman.”
“You’re the Constable of Bellefontaine,” retorted his friend,
“and it’s your business to see that the King’s orders are
“The King’s orders are so seldom respectable ; and then, I’ve
a grand talent for neglecting my business. I’m trying to elevate
the Constableship of Bellefontaine into a sinecure,” the plump
man explained genially. “But I’m pained to see that your sense
of humour is not escaping the general decay of your faculties.
What you need is a love-affair with a red-haired woman ; and
yonder’s a red-haired woman, dropped from the skies for your
salvation. Go—engage her in talk—and fall in love with her.
There’s a dear,” he pleaded.
“Dropped from the skies,” the pale man repeated, with mild
scorn. “As if I didn’t know my Hilary ! Of course, you’ve
had her up your sleeve the whole time.”
“Upon my soul and honour, you are utterly mistaken. Upon
my soul and honour, I’ve never set eyes on her before,” Hilary
“Ah, well, if that’s the case,” suggested the pale man, turning
back into the room, “let us make an earnest endeavour to talk of
The next afternoon they were walking in the park, at some
distance from the palace, when they came to a bridge over a bit of
artificial water ; and there was the woman of yesterday, leaning
on the parapet, throwing bread-crumbs to the carp. She looked
up, as they passed, and bowed, with a little smile, in acknowledg-
ment of their raised hats.
When they were out of ear-shot, “H’m,” muttered Hilary,
“viewed at close quarters, she’s a trifle disenchanting.”
“Oh ?” questioned his friend. “I thought her very good-
“She has too short a nose,” Hilary complained.
“What’s the good of criticising particular features ? The
general effect of her face was highly pleasing. She looked intel-
ligent, interesting ; she looked as if she would have something to
say,” the younger man insisted.
“It’s very possible she has a tongue in her head,” admitted
Hilary ; “but we were judging her by the rules of beauty. For
my fancy, she’s too tall.”
“She’s tall, but she’s well-proportioned. Indeed, her figure
struck me as exceptionally fine. There was something sumptuous
and noble about it,” declared the other.
“There are scores of women with fine figures in this world,”
said Hilary. “But I’m sorely disappointed in her hair. Her hair
is nothing like so red as I’d imagined.”
“You’re daft on the subject of red hair. Her hair’s not carrot-
colour, if you come to that. But there’s plenty of red in it. It’s
brown, with red burning through. The red is managed with
discretion—suggestively. And did you notice her eyes? She
The Yellow Book—Vol. XIII. B
has remarkably nice eyes—eyes with an expression. I thought
her eyes and mouth were charming when she smiled,” the pale
“When she smiled ? I didn’t see her smile,” reflected Hilary.
“Of course she smiled—when we bowed,” his friend reminded
“Oh, Ferdinand Augustus,” Hilary remonstrated, “will you
never learn to treat words with some consideration ? You call
that smiling ! Two men take off their hats, and a woman gives
them just a look of bare acknowledgment ; and Ferdinand
Augustus calls it smiling !”
“Would you have wished for a broad grin ?” asked Ferdinand
Augustus. “Her face lighted up most graciously. I thought
her eyes were charming. Oh, she’s certainly a good-looking
woman, a distinctly handsome woman.”
“Handsome is that handsome does,” said Hilary.
“I miss the relevancy of that,” said Ferdinand Augustus.
“She’s a trespasser. ‘Twas you yourself flew in a passion
about it yesterday. Yesterday she was plucking the King’s
roses : to-day she’s feeding the King’s carp.”
“‘When the King’s away, the palace mice will play.’ I venture
to recall your own words to you,” Ferdinand remarked.
“That’s all very well. Besides, I spoke in jest. But there are
limits. And it’s I who am responsible. I’m the Constable of
Bellefontaine. Her trespassing appears to be habitual. We’ve
caught her at it ourselves, two days in succession. I shall give
instructions to the keepers, to warn her not to touch a flower, nor
feed a bird, beast, or fish, in the whole of this demesne. Really,
I admire the cool way in which she went on tossing bread-crumbs
to the King’s carp under my very beard !” exclaimed Hilary,
working himself into a fine state of indignation.
“Very likely she didn’t know who you were,” his friend
reasoned. “And anyhow, your zeal is mighty sudden. You
appear to have been letting things go at loose ends for I don’t
know how long ; and all at once you take fire like tinder because
a poor woman amuses herself by throwing bread to the carp. It’s
simply spite : you’re disappointed in the colour of her hair. I
shall esteem it a favour ir you’ll leave the keepers’ instructions as
they are. She’s a damned good-looking woman ; and I’ll beg you
not to interfere with her diversions.”
“I can deny you nothing, Uncle,” said Hilary, by this time re-
stored to his accustomed easy temper; “and therefore she may make
hay of the whole blessed establishment, if she pleases. But as for
her good looks—that, you’ll admit, is entirely a question of taste.”
“Ah, well, then the conclusion is that your taste needs
cultivation,” laughed Ferdinand. “By-the-bye, I shall be glad if
you will find out who she is.”
“Thank you very much, “cried Hilary. “I have a reputation
to safeguard. Do you think I’m going to compromise myself,
and set all my underlings a-sniggling, by making inquiries about
the identity of a woman ?”
“But,” persisted Ferdinand, “if I ask you to do so, as
“What ?” was Hilary’s brusque interruption.
“As your guest,” said Ferdinand.
“Mille regrets, impossible, as the French have it,” Hilary
returned. “But as your host, I give you carte-blanche to make
your own inquiries for yourself—if you think she’s worth the
trouble. Being a stranger here, you have, as it were, no
character to lose.”
“After all, it doesn’t matter,” said Ferdinand Augustus, with
But the next afternoon, at about the same hour, Ferdinand
Augustus found himself alone, strolling in the direction of the
little stone bridge over the artificial lakelet ; and there again was
the woman, leaning upon the parapet, dropping bread-crumbs to
the carp. Ferdinand Augustus raised his hat ; the woman bowed
“It’s a fine day,” said Ferdinand Augustus.
“It’s a fine day—but a weary one,” the woman responded, with
an odd little movement of the head.
Ferdinand Augustus was perhaps too shy to pursue the con-
versation ; perhaps he wanted but little here below, nor wanted
that little long. At any rate, he passed on. There could be no
question about her smile this time, he reflected ; it had been
bright, spontaneous, friendly. But what did she mean, he
wondered, by adding to his general panegyric of the day as fine,
that special qualification of it as a weary one ? It was astonishing
that any man should dispute her claim to beauty. She had really
a splendid figure ; and her face was more than pretty, it was
distinguished. Her eyes and her mouth, her clear-grey sparkling
eyes, her softly curved red mouth, suggested many agreeable
possibilities—possibilities of wit, and of something else. It was
not till four hours later that he noticed the sound of her voice.
At dinner, in the midst of a discussion with Hilary about a
subject in no obvious way connected with her (about the Orient
Express, indeed—its safety, speed, and comfort), it suddenly came
back to him, and he checked a remark upon the advantages of
the corridor-carriage, to exclaim in his soul, “She’s got a delicious
voice. If she sang, it would be a mezzo.”
The consequence was that the following day he again bent his
footsteps in the direction of the bridge.
“It’s a lovely afternoon,” he said, lifting his hat.
“But a weary one,” said she, smiling, with a little pensive
movement of the head.
“Not a weary one for the carp,” he hinted, glancing down at
the water, which boiled and bubbled with a greedy multitude.
“Oh, they have no human feelings,” said she.
“Don’t you call hunger a human feeling ?” he inquired.
“They have no human feelings ; but I never said we hadn’t
plenty of carp feelings,” she answered him.
He laughed. “At all events, I’m pleased to find that we’re on
the same way of thinking.”
“Are we ?” asked she, raising surprised eyebrows.
“You take a healthy pessimistic view of things,” he submitted.
“I ? Oh, dear, no. I have never taken a pessimistic view of
anything in my life.”
“Except of this poor summer’s afternoon, which has the fatal
gift of beauty. You said it was a weary one.”
“People have sympathies,” she explained ; “and besides, that is
a watchword.” And she scattered a handful of crumbs, thereby
exciting a new commotion among the carp.
Her explanation no doubt struck Ferdinand Augustus as obscure;
but perhaps he felt that he scarcely knew her well enough to press
for enlightenment. “Let us hope that the fine weather will last,”
he said, with a polite salutation, and resumed his walk.
But, on the morrow, “You make a daily practice or casting
your bread upon the waters,” was his greeting to her. “Do you
expect to find it at the season’s end ?”
“I find it at once,” was her response, “in entertainment.”
“It entertains you to see those shameless little gluttons making
an exhibition of themselves !” he cried out.
“You must not speak disrespectfully of them,” she reproved
him. “Some of them are very old. Carp often live to be two
hundred, and they grow grey, for all the world like men.”
“They’re like men in twenty particulars,” asserted he,” though
you, yesterday, denied it. See how the big ones elbow the little
ones aside ; see how fierce they all are in the scramble for your
bounty. You wake their most evil passions. But the spectacle
is instructive. It’s a miniature presentment of civilisation. Oh,
carp are simply brimful of human nature. You mentioned
yesterday that they have no human feelings. You put your finger
on the chief point of resemblance. It’s the absence of human
feeling that makes them so hideously human.”
She looked at him with eyes that were interested, amused, yet
not altogether without a shade of raillery in their depths. “That
is what you call a healthy pessimistic view of things ?” she
“It is an inevitable view if one honestly uses one’s sight, or
reads one’s newspaper.”
“Oh, then I would rather not honestly use my sight,” said she ;
“and as for the newspaper, I only read the fashions. Your healthy
pessimistic view of things can hardly add much to the joy of life.”
“The joy of life !” he expostulated. “There’s no joy in life.
Life is one fabric of hardship, peril, and insipidity.”
“Oh, how can you say that,” cried she, “in the face of such
beauty as we have about us here ? With the pure sky and the
sunshine, and the wonderful peace of the day ; and then these
lawns and glades, and the great green trees ; and the sweet air,
and the singing birds ! No joy in life !”
“This isn’t life,” he answered. “People who shut themselves
up in an artificial park are fugitives from life. Life begins at the
park gates with the natural countryside, and the squalid peasantry,
and the sordid farmers, and the Jew money-lenders, and the
“Oh, it’s all life,” insisted she, “the park and the countryside,
and the virgin forest and the deep sea, with all things in them.
It’s all life. I’m alive, and I daresay you are. You would
exclude from life all that is nice in life, and then say of the
remainder, that only is life. You’re not logical.”
“Heaven forbid,” he murmured devoutly. “I’m sure you’re
not either. Only stupid people are logical.”
She laughed lightly. “My poor carp little dream to what far
paradoxes they have led,” she mused, looking into the water, which
was now quite tranquil. “They have sailed away to their myste-
rious affairs among the lily-roots. I should like to be a carp for a
few minutes, to see what it is like in those cool, dark places under
the water. I am sure there are all sorts of strange things and
treasures. Do you believe there are really water-maidens, like
“Not nowadays,” he informed her, with the confident fluency
of one who knew. ” There used to be ; but, like so many other
charming things, they disappeared with the invention of printing,
the discovery of America, and the rise of the Lutheran heresy.
Their prophetic souls——”
“Oh, but they had no souls, you remember,” she corrected
“I beg your pardon ; that was the belief that prevailed among
their mortal contemporaries, but it has since been ascertained that
they had souls, and very good ones. Their prophetic souls warned
them what a dreary, dried-up planet the earth was destined to
become, with the steam-engine, the electric telegraph, compulsory
education (falsely so-called), constitutional government, and the
supremacy of commerce. So the elder ones died, dissolved in
tears ; and the younger ones migrated by evaporation to
“Dear me, dear me,” she marvelled. “How extraordinary
that we should just have happened to light upon a topic about
which you appear to have such a quantity of special knowledge !
And now,” she added, bending her head by way of valediction, “I
must be returning to my duties.”
And she moved off, towards the palace.
And then, for three or four days, he did not see her, though he
paid frequent enough visits to the feeding-place of the carp.
“I wish it would rain,” he confessed to Hilary. “I hate the
derisive cheerfulness of this weather. The birds sing, and the
flowers smile, and every prospect breathes sodden satisfaction ;
and only man is bored.”
“Yes, I own I find you dull company,” Hilary responded, “and
if I thought it would brisk you up, I’d pray with all my heart for
rain. But what you need, as I’ve told you a thousand times, is a
love-affair with a red-haired woman.”
“Love-affairs are tedious repetitions,” said Ferdinand. “You
play with your newpartner precisely the same game you played with
the old : the same preliminary skirmishes, the same assault, the
sune feints of resistance, the same surrender, the same subsequent
disenchantment. They’re all the same, down to the very same
scenes, words, gestures, suspicions, vows, exactions, recriminations,
and final break-ups. It’s a delusion of inexperience to suppose that
in changing your mistress you change the sport. It’s the same
trite old book, that you’ve read and read in different editions,
until you’re sick of the very mention of it. To the deuce with
love-affairs. But there’s such a thing as rational conversation,
with no sentimental nonsense. Now, I’ll not deny that I should
rather like to have an occasional bit of rational conversation with
that red-haired woman we met the other day in the park. Only,
the devil of it is, she never appears.”
“And then, besides, her hair isn’t red,” added Hilary.
“I wonder how you can talk such folly,” said Ferdinand.
“C’est mon métier, Uncle. You should answer me according to
it. Her hair’s not red. What little red there’s in it, it requires
strong sunlight to bring out. In shadow her hair’s a sort of dull
brownish-yellow,” Hilary persisted.
“You’re colour-blind,” retorted Ferdinand. “But I won’t
quarrel with you. The point is, she never appears. So how can
I have my bits of rational conversation with her ?”
“How indeed ?” echoed Hilary, with pathos. “And there-
fore you’re invoking storm and whirlwind. But hang a horseshoe
over your bed to-night, turn round three times as you extinguish
your candle, and let your last thought before you fall asleep be the
thought of a newt’s liver and a blind man’s dog ; and it’s highly
possible she will appear to-morrow.”
I don’t know whether Ferdinand Augustus accomplished the
rites that Hilary prescribed, but it is certain that she did appear on
the morrow : not by the pool or the carp, but in quite another
region of Bellefontaine, where Ferdinand Augustus was wandering
at hazard, somewhat disconsolately. There was a wide green
meadow, sprinkled with buttercups and daisies ; and under a great
tree, at this end of it, he suddenly espied her. She was seated on
the moss, stroking with one finger-tip a cockchafer that was
perched upon another, and regarding the little monster with in-
tent, meditative eyes. She wore a frock the bodice part of which
was all drooping creamy lace ; she had thrown her hat and gloves
aside ; her hair was in some slight, soft disarray ; her loose sleeve
had fallen back, disclosing a very perfect wrist, and the beginning
of a smooth white arm. Altogether she made an extremely
pleasing picture, sweetly, warmly feminine. Ferdinand Augustus
stood still, and watched her for an instant, before he spoke.
“I have come to intercede with you on behalf of your carp,”
he announced. “They are rending heaven with complaints of
She looked up, with a whimsical, languid little smile. “Are
they ?” she asked lightly. “I’m rather tired of carp.”
He shook his head sorrowfully. “You will permit me to
admire your fine, frank disregard of their feelings.”
“Oh, they have the past to remember,” she said. “And per-
haps some day I shall go back to them. For the moment
I amuse myself very well with cockchafers. They’re less
tumultuous. And then carp won’t come and perch on your
finger. And then, one likes a change.—Now fly away, fly away,
fly away home ; your house is on fire, and your children will
burn,” she crooned to the cockchafer, giving it never so gentle a
push. But instead of flying away, it dropped upon the moss, and
thence began to stumble, clumsily, blunderingly, towards the open
“You shouldn’t have caused the poor beast such a panic,” he
reproached her. “You should have broken the dreadful news
gradually. As you see, your sudden blurting of it out has
deprived him of the use of his faculties. Don’t believe her,” he
called after the cockchafer. “She’s practising upon your credulity.
Your house isn’t on fire, and your children are all safe at school.”
“Your consideration is entirely misplaced,” she assured him,
with the same slight whimsical smile. “The cockchafer knows
perfectly well that his house isn’t on fire, because he hasn’t got any
house. Cockchafers never have houses. His apparent concern is
sheer affectation. He’s an exceedingly hypocritical little cock-
“I should call him an exceedingly polite little cockchafer.
Hypocrisy is the compliment courtesy owes to falsehood. He
pretended to believe you. He would not have the air of doubting
a lady’s word.”
“You came as the emissary of the carp,” she said ; “and now
you stay to defend the character of their rival.”
“To be candid, I don’t care a hang for the carp,” he confessed
brazenly. “The unadorned fact is that I am immensely glad to
She gave a little laugh, and bowed with exaggerated ceremony
“Grand merci. Monsieur ; vous me faites trop d’honneur,” she
“Oh, no, not more than you deserve. I’m a just man, and I
give you your due. I was boring myself into melancholy madness.
The afternoon lay before me like a bumper of dust and ashes, that
I must somehow empty. And then I saw you, and you dashed
the goblet from my lips. Thank goodness (I said to myself), at
last there’s a human soul to talk with ; the very thing I was
pining for, a clever and sympathetic woman.”
“You take a great deal for granted,” laughed she.
“Oh, I know you’re clever, and it pleases me to fancy that
you’re sympathetic. If you’re not,” he pleaded, “don’t tell me so.
Let me cherish my illusion.”
She shook her head doubtfully. “I’m a poor hand at
“It’s an art you should study,” said he. “If we begin by
feigning an emotion, we’re as like as not to end by genuinely
“I’ve observed for myself,” she informed him, “that if we
begin by genuinely feeling an emotion, but rigorously conceal it,
we’re as like as not to end by feeling it no longer. It dies of
suffocation. I’ve had that experience quite lately. There was a
certain person whom I heartily despised and hated ; and then, as
chance would have it, I was thrown two or three times into his
company ; and for motives of expediency I disguised my
antagonism. In the end, do you know, I found myself rather
liking him ?”
“Oh, women are fearfully and wonderfully made,” he
“And so are some men,” said she. “Could you oblige me
with the name and address of a competent witch or warlock ?”
she added irrelevantly.
“What under the sun can you want with such an unholy
thing ?” he exclaimed.
“I want a hate-charm—something that I can take at night to
revive my hatred of the man I was speaking of.”
“Look here,” he warned her, “I’ve not come all this distance
under a scorching sun, to stand here now and talk of another
man. Cultivate a contemptuous indifference towards him. Banish
him from your mind and conversation.”
“I’ll try,” she consented ; “though if you were familiar with
the circumstances, you’d recognise a certain difficulty in doing
that.” She reached for her gloves, and began to put one on. “Will
you be so good as to tell me the time of day ?”
He looked at his watch. “It’s nowhere near time for you to
be moving yet.”
“You must not trifle about affairs of state,” she said. “At a
definite hour I have business at the palace.”
“Oh, for that matter, so have I. But it’s half-past four. To
call half-past four a definite hour would be to do a violence to the
“It is earlier than I thought,” she admitted, discontinuing her
operation with the glove.
He smiled approval. “Your heart is in the right place, after
all. It would have been inhuman to abandon me. Oh, yes,
pleasantry apart, I am in a condition of mind in which solitude
spells misery. And yet I am on speaking terms with but three
living people whose society I prefer to it.”
“You are indeed in sad case, then,” she compassionated him.
“But why should solitude spell misery ? A man of wit like you
should have plenty of resources within himself.”
“Am I a man of wit ?” he asked innocently.
Her eyes gleamed mischievously. “What is your opinion ?”
“I don’t know,” he reflected. “Perhaps I might have been, if
I had met a woman like you earlier in life.”
“At all events,” she laughed, “if you are not a man of wit, it
is not for lack of courage. But why does solitude spell misery ?
Have you great crimes upon your conscience ?”
“No, nothing so amusing. But when one is alone, one thinks ;
and when one thinks—that way madness lies.”
“Then do you never think when you are engaged in conversa-
tion ? : She raised her eyebrows questioningly.
“You should be able to judge of that by the quality of my
remarks. At any rate, I feel.”
“What do you feel ?”
“When I am engaged in conversation with you, I feel a
general sense of agreeable stimulation ; and, in addition to that, at
this particular moment—— But are you sure you really wish to
know ?” he broke off.
“Yes, tell me,” she said, with curiosity.
“Well, then, a furious desire to smoke a cigarette.”
She laughed merrily. “I am so sorry I have no cigarettes to
“My pockets happen to be stuffed with them.”
“Then, do, please, light one.”
He produced his cigarette-case, but he seemed to hesitate about
lighting a cigarette.
“Have you no matches ?” she inquired.
“Yes, thank you, I have matches. I was only thinking.”
“It has become a solitude, then ?” she cried.
“It is a case of conscience, it is an ethical dilemma. How do
I know—the modern woman is capable of anything—how do I
know that you may not yourself be a smoker ? But if you are, it
will give you pain to see me enjoying my cigarette, while you are
“It would be civil to begin by offering me one,” she suggested.
“That is exactly the liberty I dared not take—oh, there are
limits to my boldness. But you have saved the situation.” And
he offered her his cigarette-case.
She shook her head. “Thank you, I don’t smoke.” And her
eyes were full of teasing laughter, so that he laughed too, as he
finally applied a match-flame to his cigarette. “But you may
allow me to examine your cigarette-case,” she went on. “It
looks like a pretty bit of silver.” And when he had handed it to
her, she exclaimed, “It is engraved with the royal arms.”
“Yes. Why not ?” said he.
“Does it belong to the King ?”
“It was a present from the King.”
“To you ? You are a friend of the King ?” she asked, with
“I will not deceive you,” he replied. “No, not to me. The
King gave it to Hilary Clairevoix, the Constable of Bellefontaine;
and Hilary, who’s a careless fellow, left it lying about in his
music-room ; and I came along and pocketed it. It is a pretty
bit of silver, and I shall never restore it to its rightful owner, if I
can help it.”
“But you are a friend or the King’s,” she repeated, with
“I have not that honour. Indeed, I have never seen him. I
am a friend of Hilary’s ; I am his guest. He has stayed with me
in England—I am an Englishman—and now I am returning his
“That is well,” said she. “If you were a friend of the King,
you would be an enemy of mine.”
“Oh ?” he wondered. “Why is that ?”
“I hate the King,” she answered simply.
“Dear me, what a capacity you have for hating ! This is the
second hatred you have avowed within the hour. What has the
King done to displease you ?”
“You are an Englishman. Has our King’s reputation not
reached England yet ? He is the scandal of Europe. What has
he done ? But no—do not encourage me to speak of him. I
should grow too heated,” she said strenuously.
“On the contrary, I pray of you, go on,” urged Ferdinand
Augustus. “Your King is a character that interests me more
than you can think. His reputation has indeed reached England,
and I have conceived a great curiosity about him. One only
hears vague rumours, to be sure, nothing specific ; but one has
learned to think of him as original and romantic. You know him.
Tell me a lot about him.”
“Oh, I do not know him personally. That is an affliction I
have as yet been spared.” Then, suddenly, “Mercy upon me,
what have I said !” she cried. “I must ‘knock wood,’ or the
evil spirits will bring me that mischance to-morrow.” And
she fervently tapped the bark of the tree beside her with her
Ferdinand Augustus laughed. “But if you do not know him
personally, why do you hate him ?”
“I know him very well by reputation. I know how he lives,
I know what he does and leaves undone. If you are curious
about him, ask your friend Hilary. He is the King’s foster-
brother. He could tell you stories,” she said meaningly.
“I have asked him. But Hilary’s lips are sealed. He depends
upon the King’s protection for his fortune, and the palace-walls
(I suppose he fears) have ears. But you can speak without danger.
He is the scandal of Europe ? There’s nothing I love like scandal.
Tell me all about him.”
“You have not come all this distance under a scorching sun,
to stand here now and talk of another man,” she reminded
“Oh, but kings are different,” he argued. “Tell me about
“I can tell you at once,” said she, “that our King is the
frankest egotist in two hemispheres. You have learned to
think of him as original and romantic ? No ; he is simply
intensely selfish and intensely silly. He is a King Do-Nothing,
a Roi Fainéant, who shirks and evades all the duties and respon-
sibilities of his position ; who builds extravagant châteaux in
remote parts of the country, and hides in them, alone with a few
obscure companions ; who will never visit his capital, never show
his face to his subjects ; who takes no sort of interest in public
business or the welfare of his kingdom, and leaves the entire
government to his ministers ; who will not even hold a court, or
give balls or banquets ; who, in short, does nothing that a king
ought to do, and might, for all the good we get of him, be a mere
stranger in the land, a mere visitor, like yourself. So closely does
he seclude himself, that I doubt if there be a hundred people in the
whole country who have ever seen him, to know him. If he
travels from one place to another, it is always in the strictest
incognito, and those who then chance to meet him never have any
reason to suspect that he is not a private person. His very effigy
on the coin of the realm is reputed to be false, resembling him in
no wise. But I could go on for ever,” she said, bringing her
indictment to a termination.
“Really,” said Ferdinand Augustus, “I cannot see that you
have alleged anything very damaging. A Roi Fainéant ? But
every king of a modern constitutional state is, willy-nilly, that.
He can do nothing but sign bills which he generally disapproves
of, lay foundation-stones, set the fashion in hats, and bow and
look pleasant as he drives through the streets. He has no power
for good, and mighty little for evil. He is just a State Prisoner.
It seems to me that your particular King has shown some sense
in trying to escape so much as he may of the prison’s irksomeness.
I should call it rare bad luck to be born a king. Either you’ve
got to shirk your kingship, and then fair ladies dub you the scandal
of Europe ; or else you’ve got to accept it, and then you re as
happy as a man in a strait-waistcoat. And then, and then ! Oh,
I can think of a thousand unpleasantnesses attendant upon the
condition of a king. Your King, as I understand it, has said to
The Yellow Book—Vol. XIII. C
himself, ‘Hang it all, I didn’t ask to be born a king, but since
that is my misfortune, I will seek to mitigate it as much as I am
able. I am, on the whole, a human being, with a human life to
live, and only, probably, three-score-and-ten years in which to live
it. Very good ; I will live my life. I will lay no foundation-
stones, nor drive about the streets bowing and looking pleasant.
I will live my life, alone with the few people I find to my liking.
I will take the cash and let the credit go.’ I am bound to say,”
concluded Ferdinand Augustus, “that your King has done exactly
what I should have done in his place.”
“You will never, at least,” said she, “defend the shameful
manner in which he has behaved towards the Queen. It is for
that, I hate him. It is for that, that we, the Queen’s gentlewomen,
have adopted ‘Tis a weary day as a watchword. It will be a weary
day until we see the King on his knees at the Queen’s feet,
craving her forgiveness.”
“Oh ? What has he done to the Queen ?” asked Ferdinand.
“What has he done! Humiliated her as never woman was
humiliated before. He married her by proxy at her father’s court ;
and she was conducted with great pomp and circumstance into his
kingdom—to find what ? That he had fled to one of his absurd
castles in the north, and refused to see her ! He has remained
there ever since, hiding like—but there is nothing in created space
to compare him to. Is it the behaviour of a gentleman, of a
gallant man, not to say a king ?” she cried warmly, looking up
at him with shining eyes, her cheeks faintly flushed.
Ferdinand Augustus bowed. “The Queen is fortunate in her
advocate. I have not heard the King’s side of the story. I can,
however, imagine excuses for him. Suppose that his ministers,
for reasons of policy, importuned and importuned him to marry a
certain princess, until he yielded in mere fatigue. In that case,
why should he be bothered further ? Why should he add one to
the tedious complications of existence by meeting the bride he
never desired ? Is it not sufficient that, by his complaisance, she
should have gained the rank and title of a queen ? Besides, he
may be in love with another woman. Or perhaps—but who can
tell ? He may have twenty reasons. And anyhow, you cannot
deny to the situation the merit of being highly ridiculous. A
husband and wife who are not personally acquainted ! It is a
delicious commentary upon the whole system of marriages by
proxy. You confirm my notion that your King is original.”
“He may have twenty reasons,” answered she, “but he had
better have twenty terrors. It is perfectly certain that the Queen
will be revenged.”
“How so ?” asked Ferdinand Augustus.
“The Queen is young, high-spirited, moderately good-looking,
and unspeakably incensed. Trust a young, high-spirited, and
handsome woman, outraged by her husband, to know how to
avenge herself. Oh, some day he will see.”
“Ah, well, he must take his chances,” Ferdinand sighed.
“Perhaps he is liberal minded enough not to care.”
“I am far from meaning the vulgar revenge you fancy,” she
put in quickly. “The Queen’s revenge will be subtle and unex-
pected. She is no fool, and she will not rest until she has
achieved it. Oh, he will see !”
“I had imagined it was the curse of royalty to be without true
friends,” said Ferdinand Augustus. “The Queen has a very
ardent one in you.”
“I am afraid I cannot altogether acquit myself of interested
motives,” she disclaimed modestly. “I am of her Majesty’s
household, and my fortunes must rise and fall with hers. But I
am honestly indignantly with the King.”
“The poor King ! Upon my soul, he has my sympathy,” said
“You are terribly ironical,” said she.
“Irony was ten thousand leagues from my intention,” he pro-
tested, “in all sincerity the object of your indignation has my
sympathy. I trust you will not consider it an impertinence if I
say that I already count you among the few people I have met
whose good opinion is a matter to be coveted.”
She had risen while he was speaking, and now she bobbed him
a little courtesy. “I will show my appreciation of yours by
taking flight before anything can happen to alter it,” she laughed,
“You are singularly animated to-night,” said Hilary, contem-
plating him across the dinner-table ; “yet, at the same time,
singularly abstracted. You have the air of a man who is rolling
something pleasant under his tongue, something sweet and secret ;
it might be a hope, it might be a recollection. Where have you
passed the afternoon ? You’ve been about some mischief, I’ll
warrant. By Jove, you set me thinking. I’ll wager a penny
you’ve been having a bit of rational conversation with that brown-
“Her hair is red,” Ferdinand Augustus rejoined, with firmness.
“And her conversation,” he added sadly, “is anything you please
but rational. She spent her whole time picking flaws in the charac-
ter of the King. She talked downright treason. She said he was
the scandal of Europe and the frankest egotist in two hemispheres.”
“Ah ? She appears to have some instinct for the correct use
of language,” commented Hilary.
“All the same, I rather like her,” Ferdinand went on, “and
I’m half inclined to undertake her conversion. She has a gorgeous
figure—there’s something rich and voluptuous about it. And
there are depths of promise in her eyes ; there are worlds of
humour and of passion. And she has a mouth—oh, of a fulness,
of a softness, of a warmth ! And a chin, and a throat, and
hands ! And then, her voice. There’s a mellowness yet a
crispness, there’s a vibration, there’s a something in her voice that
assures you of a golden temperament beneath it. In short, I’m
half inclined to follow your advice, and go in for a love-adventure
“Oh, but love-adventures—I have it on high authority—are
damnable iterations,” objected Hilary.
“That is very true ; they are,” Ferdinand agreed. “But the
life of man is woven of damnable iterations. Tell me of any
single thing that isn’t a damnable iteration, and I’ll give you a
quarter of my fortune. The day and the night, the seasons and
the years, the fair weather and the foul, breakfast and luncheon
and dinner—all are damnable iterations. If there’s any reality
behind the doctrine of metempsychosis, death, too, is a damnable
iteration. There’s no escaping damnable iterations : there’s
nothing new under the sun. But as long as one is alive, one
must do something. It’s sure to be something in its essence
identical with something one has done before ; but one must do
something. Why not, then, a love-adventure with a woman that
attracts you ?”
“Women are a pack of samenesses,” said Hilary despondently.
“Quite so,” assented Ferdinand. “Women, and men too,
are a pack of samenesses. We’re all struck with the same die, of
the same metal, at the same mint. Our resemblance is intrinsic,
fundamental ; our differences are accidental and skin-deep. We
have the same features, organs, dimensions, with but a hair’s-
breadth variation ; the same needs, instincts, propensities ; the
same hopes, fears, ideas. One man’s meat is another man’s meat ;
one man’s poison is another man’s poison. We are as like to one
another as the leaves on the same tree. Skin us, and (save for
your fat) the most skilled anatomist could never distingush you
from me. Women are a pack of samenesses ; but, hang it all,
one has got to make the best of a monotonous universe. And
this particular woman, with her red hair and her eyes, strikes me
as attractive. She has some fire in her composition, some fire
and flavour. Anyhow, she attracts me ; and—I think I shall try
“Oh, Nunky, Nunky,” murmured Hilary, shaking his head,
“I am shocked by your lack of principle. Have you forgotten
that you are a married man ?”
“That will be my safeguard. I can make love to her with a
clear conscience. If I were single, she might, justifiably enough,
form matrimonial expectations for herself.”
“Not if she knew you,” said Hilary.
“Ah, but she doesn’t know me—and shan’t,” said Ferdinand
Augustus. “I will take care of that.”
And then, for what seemed to him an eternity, he never once
encountered her. Morning and afternoon, day after day, he
roamed the park of Bellefontaine from end to end, in all direc-
tions, but never once caught sight of so much as the flutter of her
garments. And the result was that he began to grow seriously
sentimental. “Im wunderschönen Monat Mai !” It was June,
to be sure ; but the meteorological influences were, for that, only
the more potent. He remembered her shining eyes now as not
merely whimsical and ardent, but as pensive, appealing, tender ;
he remembered her face as a face seen in starlight, ethereal and
mystic ; and her voice as low music, far away. He recalled their
last meeting as a treasure he had possessed and lost ; he blamed
himself for the frivolity of his talk and manner, and for the ineffec-
tual impression of him this must have left upon her. Perpetually
thinking of her, he. was perpetually sighing, perpetually suffering
strange, sudden, half painful, half delicious commotions in the
tissues of his heart. Every morning he rose with a replenished
fund of hope : this day at last would produce her. Every night
he went to bed pitying himself as bankrupt of hope. And all the
while, though he pined to talk of her, a curious bashfulness
withheld him ; so that, between him and Hilary, for quite a
fortnight she was not mentioned. It was Hilary who broke the
“Why so pale and wan?” Hilary asked him. “Will, when
looking well won’t move her, looking ill prevail ?”
“Oh, I am seriously love-sick,” cried Ferdinand Augustus,
welcoming the subject. “I went in for a sensation, and I’ve got
a real emotion.”
“Poor youth ! And she won’t look at you, I suppose ?” was
Hilary’s method of commiseration.
“I have not seen her for a mortal fortnight. She has com-
pletely vanished. And for the first time in my life I’m seriously
“You’re incapable of being seriously in love,” said Hilary.
“I had always thought so myself,” admitted Ferdinand
Augustus. “The most I had ever felt for any woman was a sort
of mere lukewarm desire, a sort of mere meaningless titillation.
But this woman is different. She’s as different to other women
as wine is different to toast-and-water. She has the feu-sacré.
She’s done something to the very inmost soul of me ; she’s laid it
bare, and set it quivering and yearning. She’s made herself indis-
pensable to me ; I can’t live without her. Ah, you don’t know
what she’s like. She’s like some strange, beautiful, burning spirit.
Oh, for an hour with her, I’d give my kingdom. To touch her
hand—to look into those eyes of hers—to hear her speak to me !
I tell you squarely, if she’d have me, I’d throw up the whole
scheme of my existence, I’d fly with her to the uttermost ends of
the earth. But she has totally disappeared, and I can do nothing
to recover her without betraying my identity ; and that would
spoil everything. I want her to love me for myself, believing me
to be a plain man, like you or anybody. If she knew who I am,
how could I ever be sure ?”
“You are in a bad way,” said Hilary, looking at him with
amusement. “And yet, I’m gratified to see it. Her hair is not
so red as I could wish, but, after all, it’s reddish ; and you appear
to be genuinely aflame. It will do you no end of good ; it will
make a man of you—a plain man, like me or anybody. But your
impatience is not reasoned. A fortnight ? You have not met her
for a fortnight ? My dear, to a plain man a fortnight’s nothing.
It’s just an appetiser. Watch and wait, and you’ll meet her
before you know it. And now, if you will excuse me, I have
business in another quarter of the palace.”
Ferdinand Augustus, left to himself, went down into the
garden. It was a wonderful summer’s evening, made indeed (if
I may steal a phrase from Hilary) of perfumed velvet. The sun
had set an hour since, but the western sky was still splendid, like
a dark tapestry, with sombre reds and purples ; and in the east
hung the full moon, so brilliant, so apposite, as to seem somehow
almost like a piece of premeditated decoration. The waters of the
fountains flashed silverly in its light ; glossy leaves gave back dim
reflections ; here and there, embowered among the trees, white
statues gleamed ghost-like. Away in the park somewhere, in-
numerable frogs were croaking, croaking ; subdued by distance,
the sound gained a quality that was plaintive and unearthly. The
long façade of the palace lay obscure in shadow ; only at the far
end, in the Queen’s apartments, were the windows alight. But,
quite close at hand, the moon caught a corner of the terrace ; and
here, presently, Ferdinand Augustus became aware of a human
figure. A woman was standing alone by the balustrade, gazing
out into the wondrous night. Ferdinand Augustus’s heart began
to pound ; and it was a full minute before he could command him-
self sufficiently to move or speak.
At last, however, he approached her. “Good evening,” he
said, looking up from the pathway.
She glanced down at him, leaning upon the balustrade.
“Oh, how do you do ? She smiled her surprise. She was in
evening dress, a white robe embroidered with pearls, and she
wore a tiara of pearls in her hair. She had a light cloak thrown
over her shoulders, a little cape trimmed with swan’s-down.
“Heavens !” thought Ferdinand Augustus. “How magnificent
she is !”
“It’s a hundred years since I have seen you,” he said.
“Oh, is it so long as that ? I should have imagined it was
something like a fortnight. Time passes quickly.”
“That is a question of psychology. But now at last I find you
when I least expect you.”
“I have slipped out for a moment,” she explained, “to enjoy
this beautiful prospect. One has no such view from the Queen’s
end of the terrace. One cannot see the moon.”
“I cannot see the moon from where I am standing,” said he.
“No because you have turned your back upon it,” said she.
“I have chosen between two visions. If you were to authorise
me to join you, aloft there, I could see both.”
“I have no power to authorise you,” she laughed, “the terrace
is not my property. But if you choose to take the risks——”
“Oh,” he cried, “you are good, you are kind.” And in an in-
stant he had joined her on the terrace, and his heart was fluttering
wildly with its sense of her nearness to him. He could not speak.
“Well, now you can see the moon. Is it all your fancy
painted? “she asked, with her whimsical smile. Her face was
exquisitely pale in the moonlight, her eyes glowed. Her voice
was very soft.
His heart was fluttering wildly, poignantly. “Oh,” he began
—but broke off. His breath trembled. “I cannot speak,”
She arched her eyebrows. “Then we have made some mistake.
This will never be you, in that case.”
“Oh, yes, it is I. It is the other fellow, the gabbler, who is
not myself,” he contrived to tell her.
“You lead a double life, like the villain in the play?” she
“You must have your laugh at my expense ; have it, and wel-
come. But I know what I know,” he said.
“What do you know ?” she asked quickly.
“I know that I am in love with you,” he answered.
“Oh, only that,” she said, with an air of relief.
“Only that. But that is a great deal. I know that I love
you—oh, yes, unutterably. If you could see yourself ! You are
absolutely unique among women. I would never have believed it
possible for any woman to make me feel what you have made me
feel. I have never spoken like this to any woman in all my life.
Oh, you may laugh. It is the truth, upon my word of honour.
If you could look into your eyes,—yes, even when you are laugh-
ing at me ! I can see your wonderful burning spirit shining
deep, deep in your eyes. You do not dream how different you
are to other women. You are a wonderful burning poem. They
are platitudes. Oh, I love you unutterably. There has not been
an hour since I last saw you that I have not thought of you, loved
you, longed for you. And now here you stand, you yourself,
beside me ! If you could see into my heart, if you could see what
I feel !”
She looked at the moon, with a strange little smile, and was
“Will you not speak to me ?” he cried.
“What would you have me say?” she asked still looking
“Oh, you know, you know what I would have you say.”
“I am afraid you will not like the only thing I can say.” She
turned, and met his eyes. “I am a married woman, and—I am
in love with my husband.”
Ferdinand Augustus stood aghast. “Oh, my God !” he
“Yes, though he has given me little enough reason to do so, I
have fallen in love with him,” she went on pitilessly. “So you
must get over your fancy for me. After all, I am a total stranger
to you. You do not even know my name.”
“Will you tell me your name ?” asked Ferdinand humbly.
“It will be something to remember.”
“My name is Marguerite.”
“Marguerite ! Marguerite !” He repeated it caressingly. “It
is a beautiful name. But it is also the name of the Queen.”
“I am the only person named Marguerite in the Queen’s court,”
“What !” cried Ferdinand Augustus.
“Oh, it is a wise husband who knows his own wife,” laughed
And then— But I think I have told enough.
Harland, Henry. “Merely Players.” The Yellow Book, vol. 13, April 1897, pp. 19-50. Yellow Book Digital Edition, edited by Dennis Denisoff and Lorraine Janzen Kooistra, 2010-2014. Yellow Nineties 2.0, Ryerson University Centre for Digital Humanities, 2020. https://1890s.ca/YBV13_harland_merely/